


Spring Cleaning

by fishcrow



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Conversations, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Gen, Help, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, No Smut, Past Child Abuse, Porn Addiction, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 09:49:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23469448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishcrow/pseuds/fishcrow
Summary: (established relationship)Husk stumbles upon a disturbing secret in Alastor’s closet.He decides that, for once, Alastor needs some serious fucking help.[Please read the introductory note for the extended trigger warning and resource links]
Relationships: Alastor/Husk (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 103





	Spring Cleaning

**Author's Note:**

> [Please Read]
> 
> Hi everyone. This is a short conversation about a very specific problem faced by survivors of CP (child porn)/abuse who grow up to depend on CP in the future. Two opposing viewpoints are presented in this fanfic, and while I DON’T want to come across as judgmental towards people who fall into this coping strategy, I DO have a very strong opinion that anyone with this problem CAN help themselves and stop perpetuating (their own) abuse.
> 
> It can be very painful to address this issue, and extraordinarily hard to break an emotional/physical habit, so if you believe you are suffering in the same way as Alastor in this fic, there are many different avenues of help you can go down-- but please try to use some professional sources, you don’t have to heal all alone. 
> 
> I present Alastor as someone who doesn’t really see what’s wrong with what he’s been doing, even though he feels shame over his actions. Husk helps Alastor break away from his cycle of self-harm. 
> 
> If you’re alright reading about potentially-triggering topics on a purely tertiary level, (only mentioned), this fanfic shouldn’t be too hard to read, BUT, if this sort of discussion sounds triggering to you in any way, please take care of yourself. Here are a few resources for survivors of child abuse: 
> 
> Abuse and Neglect:[[X]](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/resources.html)
> 
> Sexual Abuse: [[1]](http://www.secasa.com.au/assets/Documents/Reclaiming-myself-after-child-sexual-abuse.pdf) [[2]](https://www.blueknot.org.au/Survivors/Self-Care/Nurturing-yourself)
> 
> This is fiction written for survivors of trauma and abuse, this is NOT for actual pedophiles (Minor Attracted People). I chose not to tie this discussion too closely to Alastor’s asexuality (I feel that’s a little too complex for such a short fic), HOWEVER, please be aware that not all asexuals are a result of sexual trauma, and not all asexuals who experienced sexual trauma are asexual because of it! 
> 
> I did try to bring some humor to this very serious topic, so please enjoy!

Husk awoke on a clear April afternoon, filled with the desire to do a little spring cleaning-- if only to feel like he’d _not_ wasted the entire day catnapping in Alastor’s bed. Alastor, who also happened to have the day off, had been amusing himself by gently ghosting the tips of Husk’s whiskers until they twitched back with annoyance. When Husk shook Alastor off and started manically dusting around his room, Alastor decided to help by rearranging the pillows on his furniture several times.

“Have you forgotten how to clean with Niffty always doing this for you?” Husk teased him. 

Alastor smiled proudly, “Spring isn’t just about dusting, Husker dear, it’s about reorganization! Reinvention! The thrill of insignificant adjustments!”

Husk rolled his eyes, which settled across the room on Alastor’s closet. Well, if Alastor wanted to organize, there could be no better place to start. He opened the tall mahogany wardrobe with some effort. The thing was stuffed with tattered suits and jackets which he’d never seen Alastor wear. Hidden in the shadows beneath was a pile of well-worn boxes-- some starting to collect cobwebs. One very small box caught Husk’s eye. It was practically falling apart.

When Husk picked it up and flicked opened the top, he paused in shock before jumping back with a sharp caterwaul. The box cluttered to the floor and spilled faded photographs at his feet.

Alastor turned towards the commotion and tilted his head, confused by Husk’s sudden outburst. When he glanced at the mess Husk had made below, Alastor felt a shameful dread creep into his bones.

“Are you alright, dear?” He asked tentatively.

Husk was not alright, he felt on the verge of having a heart attack.

“Don’t pay those old things any mind,” Alastor chuckled nervously.

He approached his boyfriend and nuzzled lovingly into his neck.

Husk, however, felt too much shock, disgust, and anxiety coursing through his veins to enjoy Alastor’s uncharacteristic affection.

“Alastor…” Husk swallowed painfully, “are you a pedophile?”

Alastor laughed with amusement,

“My dear! If I were a pedophile, would I be dating such a grumpy, foul, and indecent old man?”

Alastor innocently kissed into Husk’s fluffy cheek.

Husk relaxed a bit, somewhat placated, but Alastor’s logic didn’t tell him why he’d keep a selection of child porn in his closet.

“If these aren’t yours, Alastor, why the fuck do you have them?”

Alastor laughed again.

“Oh, Husk, they’re definitely mine.”

Husk bristled in confusion, he felt dizzy from all the emotion.

Alastor stooped to rescue one photograph from the floor and held it under Husk’s nose.

“Doesn’t this boy look familiar?”

Husk couldn’t tell on account of turning his head away and squeezing his eyes shut.

Alastor kissed the side of Husk’s mouth before he sat on his heels to shift through the photographs.

“What if I found one of myself smiling? Oh, dear! I’ve given it away, haven’t I?” 

“These are… of you?” Husk asked, letting his eyes open slightly to fall on Alastor’s back.

Alastor hummed noncommittally as he tucked the photographs away.

“I…” Husk tried to control his breathing, “I don’t understand why you would keep this garbage-- why not set it on fire? That’s what I would do.”

Alastor chuckled slightly.

“I need them.”

“Why?”

“Oh, Husk. You could never understand.”

Alastor rose with the box and placed it gently on a nearby table.

“Then fucking exlain it to me, Alastor. Justify it. Why the fuck would anyone need this crap!?”

Alastor laughed, causing Husk’s confusion to flare into anger.

“It’s so easy for you, Husk, but it’s not so easy for me. I need this to feel normal,” Alastor shrugged with a smile. “I need to remember how it felt… to feel good.” 

Alastor’s breathing started to deepen.

“The pain... the humiliation… feeling so weak and helpless...”

 _All of your fucking kinks,_ Husk thought, starting to feel sick.

“This is bad, Alastor. Really fucking bad.”

Alastor shook his head lightly,

“I’ve never hurt a child, Husk, and I never will. Don’t worry about this.”

“That doesn’t matter, Alastor. This is… this **is** child abuse.”

“Oh? Child abuse?” Alastor’s teeth sharpened, “Like when you helped massacre all those poor little children in My Lai?”

Husk’s face contorted into a snarl.

“I told you that in confidence, **don’t** try and turn this around on me.”

Alastor took Husk’s paw and nuzzled into Husk’s palm as he locked with his boyfriend’s eyes.

“What are you going to do about it? Hit me? Strangle me? Hold me down like those photographs and make my body beg for your cock?” 

While Alastor’s smile laughed at him, the distant pang of lust in Alastor’s eyes was unmistakable.

This motherfucker was getting turned on.

Husk wrenched his claw away with horror as some alarming truths about their relationship started clicking into place. Alastor’s unpredictable sex drive, the fact that this not-even-middle-age man would agree to date someone over twice his age, and that distant look in Alastor’s eyes every time he’d had sex with the younger demon.

Husk felt tears bubble into his eyes.

“Alastor, do you… do you reenact your abuse when I’m making love to you?”

Alastor shrugged.

“I don’t want to, necessarily, but I can’t finish otherwise.”

Husk felt the avalanche of emotion building inside finally crush down on his head. He sat on the edge of the bed and held his face in his paw. The deep, sniffling breaths felt horrible to Alastor’s ears. He sat next to Husk and folded his claws around Husk’s other paw.

“Husk, dear, whatever is the matter?”

Husk breathed shakily. “You use me… to hurt yourself,” he forced out as he wiped at his tears. “That’s sick.”

Alastor rested his head against Husk’s shoulder.

“I hadn’t thought about it like that. The pain feels good in the end though, Husk. I promise.”

“Alastor, you need some serious help.”

Alastor couldn't help but chuckle slightly,

“Who’s going to help me? We’re literally in hell.”

Husk breathed deeply as he brought his misery back under control.

“I’ll help. Charlie’s even trying to become a therapist. She’s shit, sure, but she’s better than nothing.”

“I can’t _tell_ anyone about this, Husk. No one can just wave a magic wand and fix my body and mind.”

“I’ll help you, Alastor.”

“What could you possibly do!?” Alastor’s wrath rose into his voice and set a fire behind his eyes.

“First of all, I’m **not** going to let you use sex to self harm anymore.”

“Fine,” Alastor scoffed, “I didn’t need it anyway.”

“I’m not forcing you to go celibrate, either, Alastor, but if we _do_ have sex, you’re gonna stay focused on me-- and only me-- the entire time. It’ll take some work, sure, but your body will start responding to normal stuff eventually... if you do just one thing.”

“What’s what?” Alastor was intrigued to say the least.

“Burn the fucking porn, Alastor.”

“No.”

Husk turned and grasped Alastor’s upper arms in his paws. Alastor tried to lean away but Husk held him in place.

“You can’t keep reliving your abuse. Please. I never, ever want to hurt you, Alastor.”

Alastor squirmed and looked over to the box where he’d placed it earlier. Husk’s plan sounded inane and difficult: he’d never kicked his shameful habit for long. But for Husk, at least, he was willing to try once more.

“Can we burn it together?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“Okay.”

Alastor and Husk sat in an awkward embrace for a while, before Alastor broke the silence,

“Do I have to get rid of all the other porn too?”

“What? What other porn?” Husk looked at Alastor with a hard, leveled gaze as Alastor’s smile returned with glee.

“I’ll show you,” he said.

Alastor sprang off the bed to kneel on the floor as he opened another box in the closet. He took a small, dense book from the shadows and held the cover up so Husk could see. Husk recognized the text as Japanese.

“In this delicate pictured novel, the heroine sleeps with a dog, a horse, and a pig-- all to save her father! … I think.”

Husk’s mouth hung open in shock.

“Your tastes are fucking terrible.”

“Well, I only _read_ it-- it’s not like real porn.”

“You can’t fucking read it anyway, it’s in Japanese.”

Alastor laughed,

“Does that mean I can keep it?”

“That depends,” Husk considered, “do you have any animal related trauma?”

“...No,” Alastor lied.

Husk could always catch Alastor’s lies, however.

“It’s going in the flames as well.”

“Alright,” Alastor mumbled.

“What else is in there, Al?”

“Ummmmm…”

Husk joined him next to the boxes and pulled out another, similar, Japanese novel.

“Alastor, this is child porn too.”

“But... it’s only drawings.”

“Christ, Al. Don’t you think this shit fucks up everyone who reads it!? Especially kids. Please don’t tell me you get off to this shit.”

The slightly panicked expression on Alastor’s face told Husk everything he needed. Alastor laughed nervously,

“I do know it’s wrong, Husk, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stop myself.”

Husk kissed Alastor’s hair comfortingly,

“I know, I know, but you’ve got me to help now, alright? You don’t need this anymore, I promise.”

Alastor sighed inwardly. Husk started to pull the rest of the boxes out of the closet. 

“Do you have any normal porn in any of these?” He asked.

Alastor considered if he had any shonenai without blood, rape, underage sex, sex slavery, or incest. Even if he had, he didn’t really want Husk investigating all his shitty, tsundere BL. He really didn’t need to share his every personality flaw with his boyfriend.

“Probably not,” he admitted.

Alastor watched Husk slowly move the boxes to the porch. He looked up at his boyfriend during his last trip back inside.

“Can I still call you daddy?” He asked with a very sad smile.

Husk sighed.

“Not for a while, maybe. Until you can prove to me you’re not doing it for the wrong reasons.”

“That’s fine,” Alastor finally rose from his perch on the floor and hung his head sadly in front of Husk.

Husk finally kissed him gently, which perked up Alastor’s ears slightly.

“Are you ready?” Husk asked, gesturing to the original small box on the table.

“Yeah.”

Alastor took the box outside to the porch where Husk had prepared a small bonfire. Alastor took a deep breath, and the pile burst into a shimmering green flame. He placed the small box in the very center, then started to stoke the flames with the end of his radio staff. Alastor made damn sure nothing would be recognizable.

Husk watched his boyfriend play with the fire.

“You know this is only the first step, right?”

Alastor stabbed a little harsher into the flames.

“The hard part is gonna be not coming back to this crap when you’re stressed or sad.”

“What if you’re not around to stop me?” Alastor asked

“Watch normal porn, like everyone else.”

“Ew, gross.”

Husk couldn’t tell if Alastor was joking or not.

“You’ll get used to it, same as you got used to this shit. I imagine you were shocked by this stuff when you first found it, right?”

Alastor laughed, “True; however, my curiosity kept dragging me back.”

“Then you can see how dangerous these things could be to someone curious enough, and jaded enough, to try the real thing.”

Alastor dipped his head again, “Yes, I understand.”

“Oh, and Alastor?”

“Humm?”

“No imagining anything fucked up, either.”

Alastor couldn’t help his brows drawing an angry look on his face as he seethed at Husk.

“That’s too many rules.”

“Rules are necessary. I want you to have a positive relationship with sex, and yourself… and me.”

“What if I get cured and don’t want to be with you anymore?” Alastor felt he’d earned the right to be a little cruel at the moment.

“Then I’ll fucking deal with it. So long as you’re happy, I’ll be alright.”

Happiness wasn’t something Alastor ever really considered, but when he looked at the ashes of his secret pain, he did feel a tad bit more free.

\--Epilogguuueeee--

“Husk!” Alastor barked urgently.

Husk glanced over to his boyfriend at the bar. Alastor never usually bothered him while working, so he became instantly anxious.

“Yeah?”

“I’m… hot.”

Husk blinked.

“So? Go for a swim.”

“No, Husk. I’m…” Alastor dropped to a whisper, “desperate.”

Husk sighed inwardly, he couldn’t exactly abandon the bar for every single one of Alastor’s whims.

“There’s a tape of Angel’s greatest hits in my room.”

“No! That’s disgusting.”

“This is what you’ve gotta work with, Al.”

“It’ll take forever to get off to that slut and his deformed feet,” Alastor’s voice soured like milk.

“Don’t be rude,” Husk chastised. “If you’re still at it when I get back tonight, I’ll help you out.”

Alastor sighed and tried not to crack his head against the bar.

Husk chuckled at Alastor’s frustration,

“I never thought _you_ of all people would have such a bad porn addiction.”

“This. Is. Impossible.”

“It’ll get easier, promise.”

“Don’t you have anything else?”

Husk shrugged.

“Just a couple vintage playboys.”

“Good enough!” Alastor blinked away in a flash. Husk shook his head and wondered how he’d keep up with Alastor’s pent-up hypersexuality until he calmed the fuck down again. Husk sort of missed Alastor snapping his jaws at him at the slightest touch. In any case, Husk tried not to imagine Alastor on his bed, touching himself to an old magazine like a horny teenager.

“God fucking damn it,” Husk cursed only a few minutes later. He threw in the towel as he climbed over the bar to hurry upstairs to his lover.

Alastor would be the death of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Needless to say, this is not the fic I mentioned in my last RadioHusk post (Happenstances in a Whorehouse);  
> I just woke up today with this fic in my brain and I decided to take a look at it. uvu thank you for reading!!
> 
> Refresh on those links from earlier just in case:  
> Abuse and Neglect:[[X]](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/resources.html)
> 
> Sexual Abuse: [[1]](http://www.secasa.com.au/assets/Documents/Reclaiming-myself-after-child-sexual-abuse.pdf) [[2]](https://www.blueknot.org.au/Survivors/Self-Care/Nurturing-yourself)


End file.
